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| LitNet is ’n onafhanklike joernaal op die Internet, en word as gesamentlike onderneming deur Ligitprops 3042 BK en Media24 bedryf. |
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Feedback by Sheila Roberts
First report
Geoffrey’s Bike — Shaun Gatter
Discovering the Parasites — Brandon Hamber
Taxi talk — Liz Kuhns
The Discreet Charm of Nairobbers — Rasik Shah
Who shoved Humpty Dumpty? — Buntu Siwisa
General Comments:
This narrative of gang brutality is expertly controlled, and the interleaving of past memories with the fraught present is effective and disturbing. Shaun Gatter has an exact, ‘writerly feel’ for detail, image, and metaphor. The characters of Thabang and Jeremiah are distinctively fleshed out, and the present-time events are carried forward with an almost unrelenting tension.
The scene where the white man is beaten and hijacked would be unbearable were it not for the sensory contrasts created by the author between Jeremiah’s demeanour and Thabang’s perceptions. Thabang’s associative thoughts are a subtle device on the part of Gatter, allowing him to move seamlessly, again and again, from bodily terror to sensory pleasure and inner vision.
In a situation more horrifying than any Thabang had visualized when he joined the gang, he takes refuge from an imminent murder in memories of his mother and of the white boy who shared his bicycle with him. The reversal toward the end when the Private Security turns up is well contrived and believable. The killing of Jeremiah is shocking and that of Thabang tragic, but inevitable. If the depiction in memory of the kindly white boy might suggest a racial contrast between the evil black thugs and the good white child, this suggestion is undermined by the callous behaviour of the white man who was hijacked. Uninterested in bringing the gang members to justice, he walks away and allows the Private Security men to act as executioners.
Analysis:
This story belongs in that genre of crime-fiction where one of the gangsters, inept and in poor physical condition, is nonetheless redeemable. Thabang, the consciousness of the story, has retained an innate decency from his childhood, influenced by a good mother and his innocent games with a white boy. Why Thabang wants to be a member of this dangerous gang is not clear from the story, and the reader can only assume that poverty and a mind befuddled by dagga have pushed him in this direction. As a gang-member, his attitude is ambivalent and confused throughout. He wants to be part of the gang. He likes the feel of the gun given to him, and he hopes to get a Golf Cti for himself. But, finally, he is terrified by the hijacking action and the thought of having to murder the victim.
“Geoffrey’s Bike” evokes several layers of response from the reader: hatred of Jeremiah; vague contempt as well as strong pity for Thabang; a delight in the quality and verbal rendering of Thabang’s memories; and a chilled relief at the arrival of the Private Security to save the hijacked man. This is a brilliant story. Shaun Gatter’s evocative writing engrosses the reader while the brutality of the various events serves to repel.
to the top
General Comments:
Parasita is the island setting of this long, leisurely rambling story. The writing is detailed and sensuous, and tale follows tale with the kind of intricate, if random design of certain fables and digressive oral narratives. I am reminded of some of the mythical stories of E.M. Forster and Garcia Marquez. The many anecdotes are framed, rather unequally perhaps, by the opening story of the “descrivitel,” a parasite that may enter a human body and devour the flesh. This parasite and the consequences of its behaviour are dealt with at length in the opening pages, but are more economically dismissed in the closing paragraphs. In fact, so many narratives fill in the pages from the opening to the close of “Discovering the Parasites” that the reader forgets all about the descrivitel until it is reintroduced at the end. All of the anecdotes and stories are fascinating, and each one could, with some reorganization, stand as a story in its own right. The description of life on the beautiful, peaceful island is equal to the best travel accounts of former times. There is certainly an old-worldly quality about Brandon Hammer’s story.
Analysis:
The leisurely narrator, who apparently does not work very hard at his project, is a medical researcher sent to Parasita to discover the substance in the islanders’ food and drink that brings them such extraordinary long life. Yet, we never see him engaged in any scientific analysis, and at the end of the story, he has been induced to forget about his work. He also has a forgetful vague dread that the descrivitel will attack him. The doctor’s concerns with the descrivitel and his own research are in any case summarily brushed aside when the shout goes up that, for the first time in 47 years, a shark has been espied in the sea close to the island. As the narrative progresses and readers are introduced to Renato, the great shark hunter, we begin to suspect that 47 years is not an exact number, or if it is, it makes no matter. Renato has lived so long that even if sharks only appear every 47 years he will have enjoyed much hunting all the same. While the announcement by Juan of the appearance of the shark is dramatic, the tension subsides into prolonged talk between the doctor and Renato until, pages later, they decide to go out in a boat to harpoon the creature. The strongest moment in the story then takes place when, seemingly, the shark has swum under the boat and, rising, has shattered it to pieces. Fortunately, Renato and the doctor make it to the beach in safety. Whether there might actually have been a shark under the boat is now open to question.
The story ends on a quiet note of debate about the nature and power of belief. The doctor is then able, fearlessly, to dig in the sand for the descrivitel, which does not show itself.
“Discovering the Parasites” is an enjoyable story. I hesitate to say this, but I suspect that if it could be pruned and tightened it would be even more effective.
to the top
General Comments:
“Taxi talk” is one of those rare, truly comic stories, written with astuteness and verbal dexterity. The setting is simple-the interior of a Chicago taxicab. The time-frame is a journey from O’Hare Airport to downtown Chicago. The action involves only the amusing, ironic thoughts of the passenger; a young woman from Cape Town forced to listen to a garrulous Palestinian taxi-driver. Liz Kuhns has captured (or devised) the unconsciously hilarious speech of the over-friendly driver, as well as his complacently camp mannerisms and suggestive body-language, as he steers his car with two fingers. His absurd and illogical monologues focus on wives, girlfriends, and particularly on “gorrrgeous” Russian women. His outrageous and comical opinions are punctuated by the young woman’s musings, sometimes intentionally ironic and humorous, and sometimes seriously reflective. The conclusion, as the young woman leaves the cab at her destination, is surprising, demonstrating fully the unrealistic but would-be charming intentions of the driver.
Analysis:
By confining her characters (two strangers) in the enclosed space of a taxicab, Liz Kuhns cleverly reduces the possibilities of meaningful conversation between them. The configuration of the car obviates full eye contact, and they can only “eyeball” each other in the rear-view mirror. The fact that the taxi-driver is trying to dominate and manipulate the conversation to some sexual outcome is immediately established when he wants his passenger to take the train to her next destination rather than the Greyhound Bus, thus allowing him to keep her in his car for somewhat longer. (The following information might be irrelevant to the story: One can get a Greyhound Bus to Wisconsin right at O’Hare. The journey by car from O’Hare to either downtown Chicago or to the railway station is about the same distance. But unless one has lived in Chicago one wouldn’t know this. Also, cars don’t rust-up after only three years and, yes, one can get an old, usable car for $1,000.)
As talk begins, the driver’s ploy is to run through a list of nationalities in an attempt to identify the woman. This guessing game ends with her anticlimactic admission that she comes from Cape Town. His admission, then, to being a Palestinian carries a similar loss of the exotic. But he quickly reasserts himself by claiming that America is still the best country. With deftness and a marvellous ear for the Palestinian’s sentence rhythms, Liz Kuhns allows him to present unimpressive reasons why America is the best country, ending with the plaint that American girls are no good as girlfriends or wives. He has previously claimed that he needs a wife, but then admits that he has a no-good Palestinian one.
His strategy, of course, is to engage the passenger’s (sexual) interest as to which women make good wives and which do not, leading up to an inquiry about South African girls. His “fare” spares him her thoughts about self-assured Capetonian girls, but her non-response does not discourage him from offering to take her on a date; a date in a taxicab.
This story is so enjoyable that I can find nothing in it to criticize.
to the top
General Comments:
The major strength of this story is the quality of its detail, particularly in the scenes where Pratima and Manju are carjacked. The story confirms its title: the hijackers and carjackers are either so charmingly discreet or sexually attractive that their victims retain affection for them.
The major weakness of the story is the presence of the omniscient narrator, Dharam. His character is shallow and shadowy. The first, hijacking, half of the story would be much enriched if Dharam were allowed a complex, reflective inner life; his thoughts guiding the reader to an understanding of the anomaly of dangerous men — especially Jolley, who displays charm, friendliness, and consideration, to the extent that the stewardess falls in love with him. Dharam records events passively and without personal commentary. Thus, the first half of the story lacks tension. Granted, it is a story of discreteness, but the narrative does call for some strong moments of fear, indecision, and even shame. Dharam needs to be brought alive, to be evocatively present for the reader.
The second half, where Pratima and Manju “live” there own stories, is more successful. The narration is lively and dramatic, the dialogue economical and realistic. Pratima’s thoughts and behaviour throughout are intelligent and touching.
Analysis:
The tone of the opening is quiet, even graceful, incorporating the performance of mutual forgiveness between the hijacker, Jolley, and the stewardess, Kuldeep Kaur. There seems to be little to cause disorder among the passengers, yet we are pointlessly told that “Within minutes order had been established.” Thereafter, the hijackers serve refreshments and, in spite of Jolley’s threats about knives and a hand-grenade, “The passengers remained calm.” Jolley tells them to keep their seatbelts fastened, which they do. Yet, there is a repetition of the same order given by the pilot. The passengers are also instructed by Jolley to arrange themselves in ethnic groupings when they leave the plane, but this interesting, and potentially disorderly, event is not dramatised. Dharam does not comment on the instruction itself, nor does he speculate on the reason why, earlier, two military men are brutally beaten. Later, in Delhi, Dharam reports flatly that the media have distorted the behaviour of the hijackers. But as usual, his manner is one of emotional blankness or indifference.
The events of the second half of the story are depicted with strong tension. Both women come across as believable characters. Pratima, especially, has a compassionate inner life. She is able to “disarm” Nitin, the carjacker, by affectionately presenting herself to him as his mother. Consequently, the rape of the woman is called off. In a rough moment of politeness, the men order the women to hand over to them their jewellery and their handbags, when they could have snatched the stuff themselves.
The experience leaves the two women with nightmares and depression, to the extent that an unwilling Pratima has to consider emigrating. However, with fascinating ambivalence, her last thought at the close of the story is an imagined hug that she would give her son(s)-Nitin and Chris.
to the top
General Comments:
This political allegory or fable is highly inventive, engaging, and comical, while still retaining its current of indignation at the sloppiness of politicians and the inadequacy of the justice system. What is unusual about this fable is that the antagonists facing each other are not creatures of the same animal world but are eggs (largely in power), and human beings (generally having no power).
However, the distinction between bad eggs and good humans is not immovable. For instance, an egg could acquire a human face. The advocate in this courtroom story swears “to abandon the horrible attitude of specie-ism,” and Bumpty Dumpty, once human, is being transformed through his greed for power, into a bad egg.
The desire of the story is that the eggs, the expropriators of the lands and possessions of the humans, should make restitution; that they should learn to be more like humans and also insist on an honest working of justice. At the same time, they should allow for the distinction between a revolutionary and a murderer. The fear of the story is that those humans who gain wealth and power after the revolution will be transformed into eggs.
Analysis:
The story opens mock-comically in a law court with the human advocate clearing “the horribly reputed frills in his throat” and wondering whether “they” will ever appoint a human to the bench. The case he is defending involves three men, Mr. Msindo, Mr. Pillay, and Mr. Bosman, who are charged with pushing Humpty Dumpty off the wall. The comedy is heightened as the advocate’s remarks and expletives against eggs threaten to place him in contempt of court. The comedy grows hilarious as he hums “a toyi-toyi” song in a whisper, a reworking of the Old McDonald song.
The advocate’s closing speech is well orchestrated by Buntu Suwisa, being a machine-gun firing of egg-condemning questions, during which the three dispossessed defendants remember their former comfortable lives. The fable moves to a dramatic close as the judge asks why, now that the wall no longer carries Humpty Dumpty, the defendants don’t sit on it. They cry out that the bad Bumpty Dumpty, once a human, is now sitting on it. While disorder reigns in the court, Bumpty Dumpty hurriedly makes his retreat under guard. The outcry is that all human beings and all good eggs should sit on the wall.
If I have any criticism of the story, it is that the first page is rather confusing and has to be reread for the reader to understand the circumstances and preoccupations of the fable.
to the top
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