Raining

Paul Wessels

Oh Mother Christ
every time i think of you
i want the love of a fascist woman
recognise me for being on the border
(slap)
it's raining every time i think of you
(slap)
under the radar always writing
cherry on the back seat
rodriquez on tape
port elizabeth,
elizabeth sun hotel, 7:45 am
face the blue sky with these new boots so cyber-noir
gauloises smoking
feeling loaded
between my tears
stripping off this face

it's raining
every time
i think of you
its raining

horror head
falling free
mission from god
today is not the day
coast is clear
the colour hurts
frozen
zoo
clipped
die like a dog
galaxy
cherry

every time Mother Christ every time
with your opalescent thighs, your hands
between your legs this terrible rubbing out of my mind
with your sobs and groans shrieking fucking clatter while trying to read Sacher-Masoch:
"There is a painful stimulus in the unfaithfulness of a beloved woman. It is the highest kind of ecstacy."

every time
every
fucking
time I lose a piece of me in every cigarette
in every pair of cyber boots, plastic, so cyber-noir,
Port Elizabeth, Elizabeth Sun Hotel, 7:45 am
and she'll come back, she's to meet me here,
collect the bag
leave my face on the bus
you never came

i think of you, Mother Christ, rising from black waters
my eviscerated guts lying beside me
my oesophagus pumping oil as it spurts in a jerry can
dogdogs are shoving their snouts into my cavity ripping at my lungs

Oh Mother Christ my hair rips out in chunks of bloodless skin
release me redeem me fuck me eat me
I feel your heat Mother Christ,

now -

i think of you

and its raining Mother Christ, your mouth salty sweet cigarettes junk food (wimpy burgers) sex, panic, as i see you now every time i think of you its raining greyhound overnight to Joburg woman in the car we overtake hikes up her skirt hide between her thighs and suck and suck and suck its raining every time i think of you

every
every time i think of you

its raining

only shallow
loomer
touched
to here knows when
when you sleep
I only said
come in alone
sometimes
blow a wish
what you want
soon

"keep on," Mother Christ you sang, "keep on keeping me from harm"

Green Dragon #2, (P.O. Box 783211, Sandton, 2146)

Paul Wessels is a writer and critic from Cape Town.

"Raining" is an extract from Paul Wessels forthcoming anthology my ghost in the bush of lies which will be released by Deep South Publishing in 2005.

LitNet: 14 January 2005

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