Dawning

Malika Ndlovu

(for Iman Bongiwe Ndlovu,
born and buried 3rd January 2003)

l

We gather on a beach at dawn
My mother, five other beloveds and I
Sit silent in the disappearing dark
Listening to the whispering shore
Witnessing the silhouetted mountain and horizon
Gradually birthed into the light

We break the hush
With a few soft, heart spoken words
I offer each one
A white daisy to cast into the waves
Making a wish
A prayer
A promise

In our own time
Each of us approach the icy waters edge
And make our offerings to the sea
The waking sky

Joy has carried me to this point
A deep gratitude for each precious one
Who has carried me
Choosing to share this journey
And this sacred ritual with me

I step into the water
Till it’s up to my knees
As its swirls around me
Tugs at my feet in its retreat
I feel the same sudden powerlessness
Aloneness
In the moment of that single push
That finally flushed you from my womb
Now the tears come
Unexpectedly the wind catches my daisy
Takes it from my hand
Helps me let it go
It floats away from me
Quietly

ll

My heart
A fragile lotus
Bravely peels back another circle of petals
I open
Instead of close
I feel the glow of you
Being proud of me

I am making more space
For you
For me
To be
By releasing what no longer serves me
What I no longer need

The darkness is fading
As I walk along the shore
Collecting smooth stones
Nestled in white sand
I am taking them home
To sit on your spot in our garden
Under the loquat tree
Already there is a giant wishbone
Waiting there
A forked branch I found
Not alive and green
But bleached into a new beauty
By the sun

3rd January 2006
(from the unpublished manuscript Exits and Entries, 2005)

LitNet: 21 March 2006

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