hypothetically over

Kai Lossgott

Always I wanted an unbreakable thing of my own
Mostly just, I wish I could
get up and walk behind the horizon
where swallows against the thin glass curtain
splinter unwhispered as you do

swallowed swallowing
swallowest side by side
I point at the rocks
I'd tell you their names
lodged in my throat
could I open the curtain
I'd spell them out like burning coals

In the absence of laughter and silence,
greedy fingers on your past,
I try to tell you
in the morning early
when I can't lift my neck
of the secret names that return and return
to the thin glass curtain
with what they've taken
or what I've burned, returned on their behalf
recurrent ringing
clouds, smoke, and a whisper

I forget to remember why they linger
but I must remember
to compare, study examine the
single combustion of your pain my pain their pain our pain
we can't keep doing this to ourselves all over again
we must be like lava fluid solid incandescent until then I
can't have you holding me that tight, the crags
might break right through my chest
I have swallowed mountains
that don't know rest
I am waiting but not wailing

longing, too long lonesome seeking equations
of flint to flint spark to spark flame to flame
classified down my throat ever-beating never beaten
sparks are vulnerable enough
secret name to secret name you can snuff
out never break
never tame
swallows, sparks or flames

LitNet: 21 October 2004

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