Liefdesbrief 4: A letter to my Love, to be read on 14 February of the year after my death

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My love

It is the first Valentine’s Day after my leaving. Read this and remember how I love you …

Do you think that I have died?
Never think that.
I live, still.

I live in the sun and the rain and the moon and the wind and the stars.
I watch over you, cry with you, laugh when you smile, howl when you laugh.

I walk with you, behind you, next to you. Before you when the path is a stranger.

You will find me in music and wine, and nights and silence.

I roam when it is dark, walk the streets when it is stormy and wander the mists of the unruly sea.
Never think me gone.
I will never depart from this place, your side.

I will watch over you when you sleep, guard you when you are alone, discreetly leave when you are not.

But never think me gone, my love.

You need not remember me when you are happy. Remind yourself of how I, sometimes, could make you wipe away a tear with the back of your hand.

When you see birth, experience life, weep not for me. Wear a gay colour for me when you mourn a death.

I am not without life, only a few steps away. I never tire, go hungry, nor thirst. Darkness, as always, is my friend. And the sun? What shall I say of the sun? That it shows me life.

Each bird that passes you is a messenger of mine, every tree a monument to my love. The rain will tell you that I listen to your heart, that I hear your thoughts, that I read your dreams.

The breeze that cools your brow will be my softest touch and the moon in your window my guardian eye.

Known places you walk will serve to remind you that I once was.
And strange and new venues will be surprises that I have kept to make you smile.

Look for me in the eyes of strangers, in the way one walks, smiles, runs his fingers through his hair. Listen when a man you do not know, laughs. It might be I who gives him the mirth.

Do not fear to love anew. You were never meant to be alone.

The clouds will smile with my approval of your happiness, the wind will bear traces of my voice, always wishing you well, and peace, and love.

And now, I have looked into the sun, and my eyes run.

Because I miss you.

Neil

LitNet: 28 Februarie 2006

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