Philip Tester
Changed
A fool for believing that I had anything to offer.
A fool for believing that my love would be enough.
Foolish to believe, for believing in trust.
A fool for believing that I had your love.
A fool for believing your facade, your words.
A fool for believing that your love was true.
Foolish for opening myself to you
Foolish
Foolish for loving you.
Foolish for caring
Hoping
Sharing
I had wings with your love,
I could fly with your love,
Never thought that I would cry 'cause of my love
I allowed you to steal my serenity
Foolish
I allowed myself to believe
Foolish
You’ve left me with a fear, an anxiety
What if …
How dare you!
How dare you rape my soul!
How dare you leave me with nothing!
How can you move on so easily!?
as if I mean nothing … another unfortunate heartbreak!
You are as cold as ice, hard!
Heartless
Bastard
Where do I stand in your little game?
What did you gain from your little tango?
Was I just a pawn in your game, Gabbie?
An insignificant fool for believing in you!
I am not supposed to feel dirty,
I’m not supposed to feel like a cunt
I am not supposed to feel like a cheap whore!
I am not supposed to cry anymore!
I feel dirty, used, a whore …
I am stripped
Naked and you’ve plunged a blade in my heart,
Killing my soul!
The essence of me has passed on.
I’ve changed, the sparkle in my eye has gone.
My smile is not warm now, my laugh an ill-masked cry
I’ve changed.
Take a bow
The show is over
take a bow; we played our roles to perfection
Learning our lines for a show,
a song and dance routine, which lasted for months
on stage tapping, doing the charleston and hoochy coochy.
We received a standing ovation!
“They look so nice together, it seems as if they’re not acting.
It’s like they really are in love!”
Bravo, gentlemen! Bravo!
And now that the lights are starting to dim, fading out,
The show faces erased … Bodies taken off, houses and stet: neighborhoods,
placed in storage.
Standing at attention for forever and a day, awaiting the moment when they’d
be visited, used once more.
Friends and lovers call each other by different names.
Where to go now,
what to do,
what to say?!
For months the show has taken up everything, no time left for anything
And now
an orphan stands at the top of the stairs awaiting
an answer, a thought of what to do next … Where to go … so many
hours to fill, stories to tell and ideas to share without the onscreen “lover”
it seems useless … empty
… futile!!!
Why did I audition for the part, when all I get in return is a broken heart
and soul and empty, lonely hours to fill with emptiness …
No one to turn to
No one clinging to
No one to hold
Care for
About me
Me being the most important one in someone else’s life
My name on his lips and my face in his heart …
his mind
Down the streets full of people, I know I’m alone.
Nobody at home awaiting my arrival, nobody to call.
Nothing to turn to. No hugs and kisses …
It feels like waking from a dream, torn apart.
Scared and afraid no one to console me, hold me.
I live amongst these ruins, there’s no one there
Wiping the tears from my eyes
Trying to wipe your face from my mind,
to erase the dreams I’ve left behind.
Wish words could make it better!
Wish that I could say that I don’t love you
Or that I hate you
But I can’t, I love you too much
it hurts;
I want to make you take my anguish, experience my pain,
my sadness
and leave me numb.
Would like you to feel the major sense of loss
But I can’t
Can’t stand the thought of hurting you, of making you cry!!
So I respect your decision and hope
that you find the peace, love and happiness you
deserve in life. Wish and pray that you find someone
deserving of your love to share your life with.
But remember this always,
I love you and shall love you for eternity and miss the way we were.
The lights fade, the audience gives the cast a warm applause.
Lights come on; the cast on center stage, holding hands take a bow.
to a standing ovation, the lead actors step forward,
please take a bow, gentlemen
the show is over.
Yes, the show is over
take a bow …
I can see your pain
i can see your pain, feel the sadness within
taste the unwept tears
salt on your skin
break your shield
your eyes mirrors to your soul
time for healing to begin
break your shield
let me in
show me your light from within
betrayal left you empty
full line retreat
nothing left for the morrow
accept the defeat
phantoms behind your eyes
obliterate your soul
shadows from the past, haunts, taunts – tease
annihilate your fortitude
I shall keep you close when the hounds are near
helping you on making, making you strong
no need for another defeat
hold on
stay strong
and live!
your eyes mirrors to your soul.
your eyes …
LitNet: 29 June 2006
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