Oliver Findlay Price is sixty-five years old. He was educated at St John's College and the University of Cape Town. He is a widower, retired, and has two grown-up children. He now writes full-time.

Toenadering

Lizzie is the grand child I like best because she is the youngest. She always used to say Oupa tell me a story. Now she asks all kinds of things and tells me things too. She’s the daughter of our little laat lammetjie Katinka who married a Johannesburg lawyer so she’s very liberal. Lizzie is nineteen and mostly interested in politics. She says history will call this year of 1960 the beginning of the revolution. I say why? She says because of Sharpeville. Did you hear about it Oupa where they shot the black people? I say yes I did read about it somewhere, but why is that a revolution? She thinks I’m just being stupid on purpose but she explains things to me all the same as if I’m just ignorant. But I’ve heard it all before from her mother and father so I just close my eyes. When she’s finished I say you know all this revolution stuff, they say it’s causing toenadering. What’s that? She makes her nose look like it picked up a nasty stink. You know, drawing nearer together, English and Afrikaner. Oh, she says. That’s because they are scared of the Blacks. That’s wicked toenadering.

We are sitting on the stoep looking down on Ouma’s marigold garden. Beyond is the orchard then the line of willows by the stream then the Magaliesberg. After a little she says but Oupa you started this toenadering a long time ago didn’t you. She clutches my hairy old forearm and combs her fingers through the hair as she always did ever since she was a tiny child. I say I’m thinking of a long time ago, of sixty years and more. She says tell me the story Oupa of how you an Englishman fought on the side of the Boers against the English. I say it’s a long story and I’ve told you bits and pieces before and how I married a Boer girl. That was toenadering she says, it was good toenadering because it was meant to stop people being enemies. Then she tosses her head in her emphatic way. Tell me, tell me she says, from the beginning. I know I have no choice but I say it’s a long and complicated story. Tell me a piece every evening at this time when the tick birds fly home to rest.

Well I won’t write it the way I told it because sometimes Lizzie asked questions and other times I told it wrong and had to go back over it, or I got stuck and couldn’t remember things. But I was careful not to invent anything because she can always tell. And she says now you’re eighty-five maybe you’ll forget and it will all be lost even if you live to a hundred like you always say. So that’s why I’m writing it down.

It all started in Kimberley when those Matabeleland Police found me drinking Cape brandy. They asked me to join the Jameson Raid only they didn’t say Jameson Raid, they said important mission for Her Majesty the Queen. I thought we must be going to central Africa because they had already conquered Matabeleland. But it turned out to be the Transvaal. I was only twenty years old, nearly all my money was gone and I hadn’t found one diamond. So I went with Jameson’s men.

As you see I was on the English side then. But that didn’t last long. It was December 1895 and we were supposed to spend new year in Johannesburg. Everyone knows what happened, they were all captured just outside Johannesburg. But I didn’t get that far. You see those days I wasn’t used to horse riding so I was leading my horse, anyway he was lame. As soon as the back of the column goes over a hill and out of sight a dozen Boers gallop up shouting hands up you damn English. Right here just other side the Magaliesberg. One of their officers asked me a lot of questions but my Dutch was so bad I told him little. Then two brothers come along who can speak English and say they will take me to their farm to ask me more questions, because the other Boers want to hurry on after the column. It’s like hunting a herd of buffalo they say, only the column cannot run fast like buffalo. They will drive them into a trap and slaughter the lot. I say you will not slaughter my comrades. The two brothers laugh then they get angry and say you come with us. I could see they wanted to be angry but also they liked me. Later they said they saved me from the other Boers who wanted to chain me up in a wagon then and there. The officer said alright you question him then take him to Pretoria.

So the two brothers brought me to this very farm only the house was smaller then. Their names were Frans and Gustaf Niemoller. They said their father was a German who died when they lived in the Free State, and their mother was a Marais who taught them English because she grew up in the Cape. After they trekked to the Magaliesberg she also died. I say I’m sorry to hear that, both my parents are hale and hearty and my father owns a tobacconist shop in Cape Town. They say we’ve got a little sister called Martha and I can tell they are very proud of her. When we are in the house she brings us coffee and cakes. She says my name is Martha Niemoller and I say my name is Jim Finlay and I am pleased to make your acquaintance Miss Niemoller. She has a long Boer frock down to her ankles and I can see why her brothers are proud of her. She is fifteen years old and very beautiful.

Frans who is the older of the brothers says we must ask him some questions now, and then decide what to do with him. Gustaf who is twenty like me says what is there to decide? We must take him to Pretoria. Martha says but they will put him in prison. Anyway says Frans let’s ask him some questions because we must write a report. Martha says why don’t we make him promise to go back to Kimberley then let him escape and say he escaped? Impossible says Gustaf. That would be a lie and we’d be shot for treason. Martha bites her lip and gives me a quick intense look.

We are sitting around the table. All right says Frans, tell me Mr. Finlay why are you English invading this free independent and peaceful republic? I must think carefully before I answer because I don’t want to make them angry and also I must tell the truth like Gustaf says. I could say to save our gold mines from the Boers but then they would sneer at our greed. What about saving the women and children of Johannesburg like Dr. Jameson said before we set off? That would make them angry because it would mean that Boers were the kind of people who harmed women and children. So I say in order to extend Her Majesty’s realm. Frans and Gustaf look at each other with their eyes very big not knowing who’s going to start shouting first. But Martie - that’s what they call her - gives me a secret smile.

Frans says let’s give him a whipping with the sjambok and send him back to Kimberley. Gustaf says we can whip him if you like but he must go to Pretoria. Then they look at Martie because they are wary of going against her will. She says we will decide tomorrow what to do with him but I can tell you now there will be no whipping. Tonight he will sleep in the back room and I will keep guard with father’s voorlaaier. You two must rest, you have been in the saddle all day. Frans and Gustaf look at each other and nod their heads. Then Gustaf gives her one suspicious glance and she shouts if he moves I’ll shoot his head off man!

After supper she took me to the back room leading the way with a candle. I said why did you smile when I answered the question? She places the candle next to the bed and says you are not in a position to ask questions Mr. Finlay, but this you should know, the voorlaaier will remain in the cupboard, unloaded, tonight.

I slept so soundly that I did not wake up until the sun was shining on my face. The brothers looked in to see I was still there. After they are gone Martie strides in and whispers fiercely why didn’t you escape? I decide not to be truthful but rather to tell her a little lie because I am not half so scrupulous about the truth as Gustaf. I say Miss Niemoller the reason is I hoped this morning you might be kind enough to answer the question I asked you last night. Why did you smile at me when I said we invaded this country to extend Her Majesty’s realm? She purses her lips and I fear she is going to be angry. But she looks at me and the purse turns into a smile. She says there are good lies and bad lies Mr. Finlay and you have just told me a good one. However since you are willing to go to prison for my answer I will tell you why I smiled at you yesterday. Now she has really tied me in knots. She knows very well I couldn’t wake up, that’s why I didn’t escape. But the biggest mystery is why my lie is a good one. I say Miss Niemoller I shall be deeply indebted to you if you allow me to take your answer with me to prison. She replies, Mr. Finlay the answer is this, I saw you hunting around inside yourself for a safe answer and the one you came up with made me wonder does this queen of yours really want such a lot of foolish men serving her expanding realm?

She stands there in the room with the sunlight streaming in looking at me with her head on one side. So, she says, we still have a problem to solve. Come let’s go and eat breakfast with my brothers. When we finish eating she says you know Frans I have a confession to make. Last night I forgot all about the voorlaaier and left it unloaded in the cupboard. Then I went to bed and never kept guard at all. I know says Frans, I looked in the cupboard myself and I saw the voorlaaier and I thought ah she wants him to escape so I will leave it. Quickly she asks so did you keep watch Frans? To which he replies no, Gustaf and I were so tired we fell asleep as soon as we lay down. Gustaf shouts and you said nothing to me! I would have kept watch. Frans responds I thought if Martie wants him to escape let him escape and your conscience, Gustaf, will remain clean. Gustaf is speechless and can only shake his head. Then Martie carries on, so I said to Mr. Finlay this morning you know Mr. Finlay I failed to keep guard last night did you know? And he replies why certainly Miss Niemoller I knew. I crept out of my room about midnight and looked in the cupboard and there I saw the voorlaaier unloaded. Then I peeped in your room and saw you fast asleep. Back in my room I prepared to climb out of the window and escape. But I stopped and thought inside myself if I escape now Miss Niemoller will get into trouble for not keeping guard. Perhaps they will even throw her into prison. I cannot allow that to happen. So I got back into bed and went to sleep.

Martie looks from one brother to the other with innocent eyes. I am so amazed at the story that I can look at no one. Then I think this is such a perfect lie it must be a good one and I nod my head at the brothers and say yes, that’s how it happened. So, says Martie - and she always says, so, when she is wrapping up some business - I cannot on my conscience allow such a good man to go to prison. Impossible.

Gustaf and Frans are silent for a long time drinking their coffee. They both appear deep in thought but Frans is waiting for Gustaf to think up something. Martie plays a little tune with her spoon in her cup. I look up at the beams inside the roof where the flies have made spots. At last Gustaf begins to nod his head. He looks at me. He has thought of something. We all look at him.

He says if we let him go he must make us one promise. Martie looks from him to me. Frans looks at all three of us in turn. Gustaf stares down at the table and says, if the English fight the Boers again he must promise to fight on the side of the Boers. That makes me get up from the table. I walk out the front door shaking my head. I go to the peach tree and sit in its shade. I sit looking at the Magaliesberg and thinking a long time.

Martie is standing in the shade looking down at me. She says we have agreed, if you make that promise you can go. I stand up and look into her eyes which are very blue. I say you have laid a heavy burden on me, and she says almost in a whisper I know we have. If I make the promise how do you know I will keep it? She says you know the difference between a good lie and a bad one. If you break the promise that will be a bad one and your conscience will punish you.

I looked past her at the Magaliesberg and was silent. I said I am thinking inside myself. She smiled because I chose her own words. I continued, if the English and the Boers fight again you and I will be enemies. That’s true she said, if you don’t make that promise. I said Martie do you want you and me to be friends? I should have said Miss Niemoller but she did not notice. You told a lie for me inside there, it was a good lie. Yes she agrees, it was wasn’t it. And she quickly wrinkles her nose and nearly laughs. Then she says yes I would like you to make the promise so that we can remain friends - and also of course so that you can stay out of prison. I say there is no one else in the world I would like to be friends with more than you, so I will make that promise. You see I had fallen in love with her after knowing her for only one day. So, good she says and turns away. Come inside and make the promise with your hand on the bible. I follow her with bowed head.

We sit around the table with the bible between us. I say what if I make this promise and you still betray me to the Boers? You must also promise that you will never betray me. He’s clever says Frans to Gustaf, he wants us to promise also. Gustaf says if they ask us what has become of you we will say we released you because you promised to be loyal to the cause of the Boers. That way we will not tell a lie. I say if I make this promise I will make enemies of my friends. But you will make friends of us says Martie a little too quickly, and the brothers look at her. I look at the brothers and say if I make this promise will you promise to be my friends? Why must we promise that? demands Frans. We can promise it says Gustaf, if we are all loyal to the cause of the Boers then we are friends. Martie says let us all promise to be friends and to remain loyal to the cause of the Boers. We need not promise anything says Frans, we are Boers. Gustaf says he loses his friends for our sake so let us do as he asks.

My right hand is on the bible and Martie puts hers on mine and the brothers put theirs on hers. Then we put our left hands on and this time mine is on hers. Gustaf says we promise to be friends and to remain loyal to the cause of the Boers for ever, and we repeat it after him. God is our witness he says and we all say amen.

Some days later the Boers who had captured me were returning to their farms after capturing Jameson’s men and they called at the Niemollers. When the officer saw me he asked the brothers why have you not taken him to Pretoria? They explained the position to him and he turned to me and said so now you are a Boer? Yes I said, forever.

I did not go back to Kimberley or the Cape but stayed on with the Niemollers helping on the farm until all the nonsense of the Raid had quietened down. Then I went to Johannesburg to work in my uncle Fred’s shop. It was called Finlay’s Hardware and was not so genteel as my father’s tobacconist shop in Cape Town where the customers sat around on sofas trying out the blends in long clay pipes. Uncle Fred’s was really an iron mongery for wagons and the mines with a smithy attached. I was clerk and accountant with a pencil behind my ear, but my arithmetic was so bad Uncle Fred said you’ll never make a shop keeper.

Whenever the opportunity arose I visited the farm. Best of all were the times I spent with Martie when we sat late into the night reading books and talking by lamp light. She told me of the farm in Jonkershoek where her mother grew up and I told her about my grandfather’s sailing ship. She taught me Dutch and read to me from the journal of her whole life beautifully written in English.

So in 1899 the war came. Only then did I tell Uncle Fred I was to fight on the side of the Boers. He looked at me under his bushy brows and said it’s that girl down on the farm eh? Then he added the Boers will never resist the might of Britain. I said then I will go down with them. Your father will take it badly he said. I wrote to all of the family one letter explaining everything. There was no reply.

I am with Martie under the peach tree and the sky is beginning to turn grey. She says, so, we must say goodbye. I say goodbye Martie and give her my hand to shake hands. She says well, are you going to kiss me? I say yes if you wish Martie. I don’t tell her I’ve never kissed a girl before, I was only twenty-four after all. She says yes well do it then. I kiss her on the mouth and she kisses me on the cheek. Do you remember when we first touched? she asks. I say yes when we put our hands on the bible. We stood holding hands a little, then I said they are waiting, I must go. I rode off with the brothers into the grey dawn.

When I think back on the war I remember a few good things and a few terrible things but mostly it was just boring and uncomfortable, you know, sleeping on the ground and getting rained on. That kind of thing. We all had new mausers from Germany. Our job was to besiege Kimberley. The brothers were always better than me when we shot at bottles on the farm. At Kimberley we spent every day shooting at the town’s defense works. I never aimed at people of course because I didn’t want to hurt any one, besides we couldn’t really see people. So I aimed at the sand bags then I could see how I was doing if they gave off a puff of dust. Gustaf said hey you hit a sand bag again, when are you going to learn to shoot straight man?

After a few months the English broke through from the south and saved Kimberley from us. Then the war really started. The English trapped us in the Modder River and we dug ourselves into the bank, the whole laager. For two days the English foot soldiers tried to storm our trenches. Then I really had to shoot but we were all shooting together so no one knew who hit who. In the night Frans said I don’t like this shooting people, it’s not right. I said nothing because if I agreed they might think I wanted to break my promise. Gustaf said just remember we are fighting to defend our country, what do you say Jim? Frans said it doesn’t matter to him, he can’t shoot straight anyway.

Next day the English got all around us and began to shell us. We lay in our little holes in the ground wondering when a shell would land right on top of us. They hit some wagons and killed half the horses. Those were the worst days of the war, nothing after that was ever so bad. Then some Free State commandos broke the English circle from outside and sent word to our general inviting him to ride out with his horsemen but he would not leave the wagons. Some Free Staters who were trapped with us in the river bed said they would go. But Gustaf said let us go with the Free Staters, clearly everyone here will be captured and we after all were born in the Free State. So we bade farewell to our general, old Cronje, the same who had caught Jameson outside Johannesburg and now he was caught outside Kimberley. Gustaf said Jimmy you must come with us, you are a colonial and if the English catch you they will shoot you for treason. I think that was one good reason why he decided we should leave the river bed while we had the chance. I put my arms around them both and said you are my brothers, you saved me from the Boers four years ago and now you are saving me from the English. So we galloped out of the laager. A few days later when all the wagons were destroyed Cronje surrendered to the English and four thousand Transvalers were taken prisoner.

Soon the English took Bloemfontein and a little later also Pretoria. Then they thought the war was over but they were wrong. We took to the bush. I found so long as I had a pair of boots, a good horse and a thick coat I was fine. After a few changes I acquired a really good horse which lasted me the rest of the war and many years after. For boots and coats we had to rely on the captured English. Carrying around the mauser was a bit of a nuisance but I suppose you must have a gun in a war. Mostly we were riding at night to avoid the English. Sometimes we captured them in an ambush and when this first happened the commandant sent word he wanted an interpreter. I would have gone but Gustaf said don’t be a fool, the English will find out you’re a traitor. I said I’m not a traitor, I made a promise. They won’t see it like that, if they capture you you’re dead. I said I’m a Boer man, haven’t I proved it? He said never mind, you sit quiet by the fire, let Frans go, he knows English as well as you.

After that Frans always went to interpret and, so he told us, now he knew the thoughts of the generals and the commandants and also of the English officers. General De Wet who was in charge of all the Free State Boers was very clever at capturing the English, so Frans was kept busy interpreting. This made Gustaf worried because he thought it would turn Frans’s head. Then Frans had a friendly conversation with an English officer who said damn rotten show this war, specially now they’ve started destroying farms. It made him quite sick when he had to drive away the sheep and set fire to the house and send off the mother and children to a camp. Then why does he do it? demands Gustaf. Would you disobey an order? Frans asks him. Gustaf carries on, why is he fighting if he hates this war? It’s a man’s duty like ours if his country goes to war. But Gustaf cannot stop, they are fighting this war because they want our land, our mines, they want to make slaves of us. Oh Gustaf says Frans, you are enraged and you are talking nonsense, the English have no slaves. Gustaf says if they take away our freedom we are slaves, we must serve their government. He stops short and looks at me. We must serve Jimmy’s fat queen who wishes to extend her realm. We all laugh and the quarrel is over.

After the second year the war became harsh and bitter. With the farms destroyed we could find little food for ourselves and our animals. We must move all the time to avoid encirclement by the huge English armies. We became silent and thin and weary. Sometimes one of us would tighten his belt and say my realm is shrinking, how’s yours? And we would laugh together like old times. Mostly we were silent. Frans and Gustaf hardly spoke to each other. Frans seemed eager and nervous, Gustaf suspicious and silent. Then one morning when we woke up Frans was gone, horse and blanket gone.

Gustaf says he’s gone to the English, he’s a traitor and he has broken his promise. I say Gustaf he will not betray us, we know that, he will go to Martie and protect the farm and we can be glad of that.

Some Boers who went over became scouts for the English and led them to where they knew the Boers were hiding. Gustaf pretended to think Frans would do that but I said he will never do it, he will go to Martie. We were both wrong.

We were some few thousand Boers driven into the mountains of the eastern Free State and we learned that the English armies were marching from all directions to block the passes and trap us. De Wet and some commandos had already left but we were waiting to go a different route.

Suddenly at sunset Gustaf and I are called to our commandant’s camp and there stands Frans with a white flag. The commandant says to Gustaf look at your brother shaming you and your family. Frans looks from one to the other at the men standing around him, some are pointing their rifles at him. Gustaf will not approach him but I go to him and say Frans what has happened? He is confused as if he did not expect this anger from his comrades but he is not afraid. He speaks up so they can all hear, I have come on a mission of peace under protection of the white flag. The Boers shout verraaier - traitor! Then I get angry and shout let him speak! Commandant I ask you to allow him to speak.

So they let Frans speak and he says English and Boers belong together. He puts his hand on my shoulder and says here is an ordinary Englishman who has become like one of us, he is a brother to me and my brother. This war smites us apart and we must mend what has been broken. Gustaf shouts he made a promise to fight for the Boers and he has kept his word. You, brother of mine made the same promise but have broken your word. They shout verraaier again. Frans says I promised to serve the cause of the Boers and now that cause lies along the way of peace. Make peace and stop the destruction of the land, the English general has signed a paper that you will not be deported out of the country. Return to your farms in peace. The commandant asks and our weapons? Gustaf shouts you are telling us to lay down our arms and surrender to the tyrant.

The Boer generals who had remained in the mountains condemned Frans to death and he was shot at dawn. Gustaf and I could not speak with each other nor look at each other for many days. I shed tears into my blanket for many nights. The night he was condemned I went to the generals to plead for his life. They said Gustaf his own brother has condemned him, why must we listen to you who are not a Boer? So they laid the burden of guilt on Gustaf who carried it to his grave. But those generals were also guilty, the Boer cause was lost so they punished poor old Frans for it.

Messages reached us in the mountains that most of the western Transvaal was still controlled by the Boers so Gustaf and I asked permission to go and join them, because that was our part of the country. Within weeks of leaving we learned that five thousand Free Staters among them our commando had surrendered to the English. Gustaf said we chose the right time to leave, but I just gave him one cold look because Frans was not with us. We joined our comrades in the western Transvaal and one time when we were camping near the Magaliesberg Gustaf said I am a coward. I immediately understood and said I will go and tell Martie.

Being close to Pretoria the farm was in country controlled by the English so they never had a need to destroy it. I had to move only at night to avoid being caught. The moon was up the night I led my horse to the stoep and knocked on the front door. It was two years since I had left.

This was the strangest moment of the war. I stood in shadow but my figure was clear against the moonlit land. The door opened and there was lamp light and the barrel of the voorlaaier pointing out of it. I said Martie it’s me. The voorlaaier and the lamp light disappeared and she came out to me. She led me into the moonlight and looked at me. Then she put her arms around me and kissed me all over my face. Tears came out of my eyes.

She said let’s feed and water your horse. Then we went inside and sat in the kitchen. I helped her light up the stove. We put water on it to warm, you must have a bath she said. With coffee steaming in my face I told her about Frans. She was silent while I spoke and silent after I had finished. I could see her feelings and thoughts disturbing her beautiful face, gently in small movements. She went quickly out of the room and was away for a long time.

When she came back she said come, bring the water through to the tub. When the tub was ready she unfastened my clothes and undressed me and washed me as if I were a child.

I went back to the commando and we fought one more skirmish before the war was done. Gustaf said he would try to get himself killed. I said do no such thing, time never stands still but also it heals, that’s what Martie said. She wants you back whole. When the generals at last decided to give up the struggle Gustaf said he would go to Pretoria and become a lawyer. You go to the farm and marry Martie he said. And that’s how it all turned out.

Lizzie yawned and said Oupa now I know why old Uncle Gustaf used to scare me when I was little. I’m too like him myself, I know only true and false right and wrong just and unjust, black and white. Ouma is wiser than all of us because she knows the difference between a good lie and a bad lie. We smiled at each other and looked out at the old peach tree and the Magaliesberg. And poor Uncle Frans she said, I never realised we had a hero in the family.

I said toenadering was hard in those days.

She sat up straight and said and now it’s time for more toenadering, new toenadering, between Black and White. I said oh is that so? At that moment Martie came out on the stoep. And what are you two gossiping about? She sits down other side Lizzie who gives her a kiss on the cheek. Oupa’s just been telling me about toenadering. Toenadering? says Martie. What’s that? It’s about the time when you and Oupa first made love.

boontoe

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