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I know when I start with the word trauma people start to think about the big bright letters they always see when they pass the hospitals or visiting their loved away.
The only time they don't recognise it is when they are unconscious in the stretcher passing that sign.
But the kind of trauma I want to talk about is a different one. I want to talk about the trauma that you can't see, the one for which you can't use your senses; but this one needs understanding, patience and experience.
This kind of trauma is like a snake: not many people see it coming and if left untreated or dealt with it can lead someone to death, prison, fear or absolute madness.
For some people it affects the way they look at life, or they withdraw themselves from other people: they might hate them for no apparent reason, or perhaps mistrust them. Some people even give up on their dreams.
It's more like someone having an accident and realising the pain they are going through, and how much damage it has done to them, only after some time.
This trauma I want to explain targets the brain, not the whole body. Because people think you go into trauma only when you have an accident like being knocked over by car or being stabbed and more.
The kind of dangers that are around us every day.
Trauma comes to us like death - we all know we are going to die, but when it comes we all get shocked and some of us refuse even to accept that it was supposed to happen to certain people.
I never got involved in a serious accident that have left me paralysed or left me with terrible wounds and I have never been submitted to hospital.
But I have been to hospital for almost losing my mind and it's very hard to admit that there is something wrong with your head. Many people suffer terrible consequences for keeping quiet and pretending that everything is fine with their state of mind.
I call it a "silent slow death" because no one can spot that you need help or that you are sick as it takes a while before it shows and only those who know you very well can tell that you are not well by change in your behaviour which is why it's very important to get your loved ones to talk or counsel them even if you think they don't need it.
I have an example of my friends who suffered the consequences of what her past life did to her; unfortunately she realised only later.
She was charged for attempted murder and I went to see her in prison as I didn't believe someone who is so soft and caring like her can try to kill someone. What was it that that person did that drove her to do this? I knew she was drinking and after that of course everyone acts crazy after a few beers, but we all meet as friends at work or college or clubs or through other friends but the problems is we all come from different backgrounds and sometimes we just have fun and never really sit down and get to know one another.
She didn't tell me at first; then, when she came out on bail she told me the story that she stabbed the lady because she saw her mother in her, then I asked her how? The story is like this: her father died while she was eleven years old. Her stepmother which she grew up not knowing it was not her mother used to beat her and turned her into a slave doing all the work in the house while others were playing and the worst is she stopped her from going to school then finally at the age of sixteen she discovered that she was not her mother and when her mother came she held onto her and she thought her problems were solved. Then she discovered her new family.
Sooner she realised that why her mother left, she and her sisters were street girls and they sell themselves to make money. Then quickly she joined in and started on the streets on her desperation to return to school and finish her matric as in spite of it all she had dreams.
But the life of a scholar and being a street girl didn't match then she dropped out of school again and the worst was, her own mother started beating her up asking for money so she can go and drink or look after her young boyfriend as she was old and not doing well on the streets.
Then the time came when a woman at work started an argument with her and then pushed her on the floor. At that time she didn't think as they were busy setting the table all the things she wanted to do to her mother for leaving her as a child and coming back only to abuse her by trying to be her pimp. Her past came flashing to her head - all the shouting, pushing and beatings and then she wanted to revenge but the only thing she saw was her being helpless and being beaten, then she picked up a knife and went for the revenge. Her mind came back only when the policemen kicked her into the cell.
The big question is: What we do in our society, as there are lots of women and men with different problems but not enough help available. Not enough social workers or psychiatrists to help them.
Where kids are not protected enough by the government and there is not enough money or people who are willing to offer help. And not only kids are traumatised but elders as well.
When you look at women they are able to persevere under pressure or any sort of abuse at home or in a workplace. They all had different reasons for staying - it can be financially, or mostly they want to make sure that when they leave the situation is for the right reason or they have had enough of it and they can't take it anymore but the negative part of it is they never realised what kind of damage that can cause to their brain and the brain controls the body - when the brain is weaker so is the body.
And the man wants to act like a man and pretend that all is well at home and at work. Some will pretend that their sex life is the best and some will lie that they have a good job or an expensive car. They want to show that they are in control of any situation and say tigers don't cry.
Then after all this you have to look at the results of ignoring or not realising the power of communication, power of love and the power of forgiveness.
In life I believe freedoms start in your head. Sometimes you have to have a strong will and accept that your life has been a mess but you want allow the past to destroy your dreams and your future. Don't try to be a professor of life - seek help and forgive and carry on. The peace and love that you are looking for has to start inside you. If you can't give love, how can you expect someone to give it? It all starts within you.
It's all inside you heart, your soul and your brain.
After this the society sits with serial killers, rapists, insane people, abusers, people who are in prisons but who don't even belong there.
So what do people turn to when there is no help, no counselling, and no treatment?
Maybe if we want to reduce the number of prisoners in our jails we have to start looking at what's inside those people's minds. I read the story of a boy who got burnt by gas at the age of ten and he lost his sight. It was painful but he has his family always and friends next to his bedside and what does those with no one to talk to or no to be on their side turn to.
The answer is mostly simple: they turn to drugs. It can be overuse of alcohol, cigarette or other strong drugs which are highly addictive and can do much harm to their bodies.
I know they are lots of organisations available to help, but are people aware of them? I remember at times when I used to have nightmares of my past and used to dream the persons who use to abuse me coming to attack me in my dreams, the first thing I turned to was alcohol in order to go to sleep with no nightmares.
Some of this is being converted by Christians as demons, traditionalists as voodoo, evil spirits and angry ancestors. When someone goes mad no one will come and say it's because of that person's past, lifestyle or anger locked inside them etc. When someone has been badly hurt by a blonde woman and goes around killing all the blonde women around the block it's because that person has got unresolved issues in his brain.
Now I wish I had studied psychology as I can put the words much clearer and I can manage to know what I am really trying to say. Now I am only talking about what I have heard and experienced.
Ever since I was young I always wanted to know what's inside the sofa, the television, and what's inside my body. I got confused and thought I have to be a doctor, and when I finished high school I went and studied electrical engineering. Later in life I realised the only reason my mom beat me up for having wrong friends was because I understood them. They did like even though they were dangerous to her eyes they never tried to hurt as that's what they were famous for. It was because I accepted them as normal human beings and I listened to them and I found that there was so much fun and goodness in them but because of all the mistakes they had made before that, the society won't give them a chance and they had even given up on them.
They say time is a healer and love is the cure, but they fail to say time can be an enemy when you have so much anger locked inside you. As the house needs to be kept clean, your heart also needs that, but if you locked all the bad things inside, your life is about to turn into disaster without you knowing it. The person you hate doesn't suffer because you hate but you suffer because of all the things inside.
As when you grow normally you never want to imagine you yourself with an abnormality in your body, but if it comes that you have an accident and end up with no legs life has to go on and you have to adapt to that new life and make the most of it, which is not easy, but who said people with disabilities are not happy?
It's the same as no one growing up wanting to become a serial killer or mentally unstable. All this can be prevented only if discovered earlier. There are many things that people can turn to as a source of strength to recover and get over things that have been painful, because no one wants an unexpected change like losing a leg or their sight. It's even worse when your life or your state of mind changes as a result of circumstances that you have to live under or because people that surround you are causing a change in your life.
We all grow up with a plan for our life but not all the time our plan works for life but something bad happening to us can lead us to something much better than we had expected even though we work, study hard and are focussed, but we are not in control of our lives - there are unknown forces controlling our lives. The only positive thing is never to give up and look forward to greater things always. Life knows us better than we think we do and we all must look for the purpose of our existence because we are all here to serve different purposes.
There are things, as I said, that can help us get over painful things. Art is another form of therapy. Reading books helps you get in touch with other people's thoughts and their lives; a second one is writing - it can be poems, short stories or novels or any form of writing. But when you are writing, that's when you express your thoughts and feelings to other people. Painting or drawing is another form of therapy. I cannot paint or draw but I have seen some paintings that spoke to me in a very extraordinary way, which is why I always take time to go and visit the gallery and look at work done by artists. I am sure there is more, like dancing, stage plays and more. As most artists will look back and laugh at the painful lives they have led in the past. They have conquered their problems and have moved on to other things and they have discovered that life has more to offer rather than dwelling on your setbacks.
They have conquered and move on to other and they have discovered that life has more to offer rather than dwelling around your setbacks. Religious or spiritual people call themselves "more than conquerors". In life you have to be a fighter, no matter what the situation looks like for victory.
Some turn to God and meet with the other people for prayers, preaching and people to share their problems with others in the church. Also in the church they read the Bible as they believe it has all the answers.
Most hospitals have social workers and highly-trained psychiatrists to talk to you and there are helplines where you can phone for counselling.
Women in my area have groups where they go and do gardening together, sewing and helping one another through difficult times. The best thing is to know that you are not alone, there is help out there and you don't need to suffer alone.
Take charge of your life; never allow anything or anybody to ruin your life. Life is too short to waste it in worries and hatred. It's too precious to be wasted. Make the most of it and live it to the fullest. Look at it as a puzzle to be solved - each and every answer found is a celebration. Some answers need assistance; that is why you never need to be alone.
Works by the author:
Never
Been at Home (pictured below) 
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Zazah Khuzwayo finished matric in 1994 and went to
study Electrical Engineering up to N3. She didn't finish,
and went to find work. She wrote her book called Never
been at home and self-published it in 2001. In March this
year it was published by David Phillip. The first chapter
of the book was published by Botsotso Publishers (in their
magazine), and in 2000 the same chapter appeared on LitNet.
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