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Young, strong-spirited and "got opinion", 24-year-old Ntsiki Mazwai has performed her own work at many hi-profile gigs, but says one of the highlights of her poetry career thus far was to be part of the 10th anniversary presidential inauguration poetry act, where she shared the stage with poetry greats Don Mattera, Lebo Mashile and Mac Manaka. She was chosen from a pool of over 5 000 entrants to be part of the Scamto Groundbreakers TV series, as part of which she travelled to the USA to represent South African poetry. She is part of the all-women, much-loved, Feela Sistah Spoken Word collective. She has been published in Don Mattera's souvenir book for 10 years of democracy. Her works can also be seen in the Timbila Special Edition. Outside of her poetry she runs a fashion label called House of MOBU, where she sells her exclusive beadwork range. "Asizovidiyo zomculo nje kuphela ezingathi zisichaphazele. Enye yezinto endinoloyiko lwazo, yile yokuba abazali bam besisizukulwana socalulo nengcinezelo. Sesi sizukulwana kwakuthethwa naso ngobundlobongela, nangoxinzelelo. Ingcinezelo yatyhefa iingqondo zabazali bethu, kwaye zange kube kho nto yenziwayo ukulungisa oku. Ndibona uburhalarhume buthabatha indawo - umzekelo, abaculi abafuna ukuba imiboko yokucula ihlale ikubo ukwenzela ukuba kugqame bona - nto ithi ibangele ukuba kuhlale kukhutshiswana. Ingaba ke sisisizukulwana esilahlekileyo?" "One of my biggest concerns is that my parents ARE the apartheid generation. This is the generation that was communicated with through the use of aggression, violence, dehumanisation and force. Apartheid poisoned the minds of our parents, and nothing has been done to fix it. I see greed taking over "the fortunate" - like microphone-hungry artists, they will do anything to prolong their moment of shine - therefore, living in constant competition. So, are WE the lost generation?"

Isizukulwana sanamhla … Ntsiki Mazwai Also available as: My generation …

Isizukulwana sanamhla endiyinxalenye yaso asilahlekanga, lilizwe elilahlekileyo. Masithathe ibali lam njengomzekelo. Ndingumzekelo ophilayo wenzalelwane yoMzantsi Afrika omtsha. Ndineminyaka engama-24, ndimnyama kwaye ndilibhinqa. Ndikhulele elokishini okanye ekasi. Ngoko ke ndandiqhelene nobomi basekasi, abazali basekasi kwanokutya kwasekasi. Kwathi ngenxa yokunqwenela okungcono, nenkululeko, abazali bam bandifaka kwisikolo sabucala ngo-1988. Ndathi ndineminyakana esibhozo, ndomelele kodwa ndikwabuthathaka, ndafakwa kwisikolo sabafundi beentlanga zonke esi kuthiwa yi"multiracial". Baqala batyhileka ubomi kum. Baqalisa nokuba nzinyana. Ndim ke lowo, intombazana encinanana, elahlelwe kwilizwe labazizityebi nabadumileyo ngeyabo indlela. Ngumahluko omkhulu ukuba kwimultiracial nokuba kwisikolo sabucala. Okokuqala ebomini, ndazifuna ukuba ndingubani. Uyabona kaloku xa uthe wachitha iminyaka yakho yobomi yokuqala esibhozo uthetha isiXhosa neSisuthu, ufifi onalo lwesiNgesi ilolukamabonakude, kuza kubanzima ukuchaza iimfuno zakho ngesiNgesi…. Ndandizinqwenela kanobom ezo zandi zazivakala ziimnandi zabelungu, noxa ndandizama, kwakungekho lula. Kuba kaloku uThixo ngumzalikazi, imini yam yokuqala kwisikolo samantombazana iSt Katharine, yathi kanti ikwayimini yokuqala kaTsholo. Yathi kanti iya kuba ngumhlobo osenyongweni nondandihleka naye xa sibona izinto ezahlukileyo zobomi esasijongene nazo. Ukuqalisa kokubaluleka kolwimi ebomini bam. Ukuzalelwa eSoweto kuthetha ukuba usethubeni lokuba wazi iilwimi ezahlukileyo. ISoweto ineelwimi ezingaphaya kwe-11. Mna ke ngokukhuliswa ngumama ongumXhosa nomncedisi ongumSuthu, yayiyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba ndiphimisele iimfuno zam ngezi lwimi zimbini. Noxa kunjalo, iminyaka yam yokuqala eSt K's ndayichitha ndisenza nezifundo ezongezelelweyo zesiNgesi sifundisana amagama noTsholo. Kwaya kwacaca ukuba kwakutheni ukuze uThixo enze isiSuthu sibe yinxalenye yobomi bam. Njengoko uTsholo yayinguMsuthu, ulwazi lwam lwesiSuthu lwalusenza ukuba kube lula ukuba ndigqugule naye ngendandifuna ukukuthetha - PHAMBI kokuba ndizenze isibhanxa koogxa bam eklasini nakutitshala ngokuba ndithethe enye into xa bendifuna ukuthetha ngenye. Yathi ke indlela yam yokufunda isiNgesi yaba kukuqala kwam ukufunda ukubaluleka kokuzithanda nokuzamkela - mna namasiko am. Ndakha ndaphathwa yinto yokuzicingela ngcono. Ndiyavuma ukuba ndakha ndalahlekwa kukuba ndingubani na mna okomzuzwana. Laqala ukutshintsha indlela elibizwa ngayo igama lam (xa sekuthethwa inyani, ubuninzi bamagama ethu), kuzanywa ukuba athi ukuphucuka. Yayiba ngamagama anomahluko noxa isengalawo abamnyama. Igama lam layeka ukuba nguNontsikelelo, laba nguNtsiki, kungenjalo, uNsiki okanye uSiki (ungacingi ukuba ndiyakwazi nokuyipela ke loo nto). Ngenxa yabantwana abamhlophe esikolweni, oku kwakusenzelwa ukuba kube lula ukulibiza igama lam. Into nje eyayibhidisa kwakuxa ndisekhaya apho abantu basekhaya babezibuza ukuba ligama likabani eli ndandilisebenzisa. Baqala apha ke ukuvavanyeka ubuhlobo bangenene, kuba kaloku abahlobo babengazukuphelela nje ukuvuma ukuba bayandazi, kodwa kwakufuneka nokuba babe bayakwazi ukulibiza kakuhle igama lam. Iintloni zokubuyela umva kwinto endandicinga ukuba ndiyoyisile; leyo yokuzazi ukuba ndingubani na mna. Ndandingumntu omnyama ongenangqondo. Umntu omnyama ongenangqondo kuba kaloku wayengakwazi ukuthetha isiNgesi sabamnyama. Ndandicinga ukuba umntu ngumntu ngokuba uyakwazi na ukuthetha isiNgesi. Ndandide ndijonge nokuba indlela umntu athetha ngayo ichazwa yindlela anxibe ngayo. Ndiyabulela Thixo ukuba kwezi ntsuku ndiqinisekile ukuba igama lam nguNontsikelelo kwaye ndisazi nokuba abantu bangakhetha into abafuna ukuyinxiba! Ixesha lam lamabanga aphantsi ndalichitha ndizama ukuba ngumntu omnyama ongcono. NDANDINGENAKUZE ndivumele ukuba iitshomi zam ziqonde ukuba ndiyazihlamba izitya, ndinxiba amagusha entlokweni yam xa ndiza kulala, nokuba ndakha ndayikhwela iteksi ngaphambili. Umntakwethu oneminyaka elishumi elinesibini ujongene nemiba efana nale ndandijongene nayo ngoko. Uthi imphathisa iintloni into yokusiwa nge-Golf (ehlobo ludala) esikolweni. Uyazifihla ngaphantsi kwebhonethi ukuba abahlobo bakhe bayayibona le moto. Kuba ndicinga ukuba njengoko ndineminyaka eyi-24 ndingakwazi ukumfundisa, ndiyamxelela ukuba makangabi nantloni ngokuba ungubani. Ndiyamxelela ukuba noxa iGolf indala, iluphawu lwembali yakhe. Ngaphezu koko, akukho nto imbi ngokungabi namali. "Ndiyayazi ukuba akukho nto imbi ngokungabi namali eninzi," atsho, "nto nje kunzima ukungabi nemali eninzi kwisikolo sabucala." Umnqa ngale ndlela siyihambayo ngowokuba, akukho bani uqinisekileyo ukuba siyaphi okanye siya njani. Lafika lagqitha ixesha lenkululeko, ngoku lixesha lokukhululeka. Isizukulwana sanamhlanje sikhule silala ngengubo enye nabamhlophe, sisahlulwa nje ngamabonda eglasi. Ezinye zezihlobo ezathi zagqobhoza ngaphaya kwaloo mabonda eglasi zisekhona ebomini bam nasentliziyweni yam. Ziye zaba khona iindawo ezingacacanga ekuye kwafuneka ukuba sizoyise. Umzekelo, iingxoxo ezitshisayo zebanga lokuqala kutyholwana ukuba ingaba loo mbhodamo useMzantsi Afrika ubangelwe ngubani. Ukutyhola abazalelwe ebutyebini ubathanda unjalo. Eyona nto ibalulekileyo endiyifundileyo kukuba sonke siyimimoya esebenzisa imizimba njengezithuthi. Okunene wona umahluko ukho kodwa wenza ubomi bube nencasa. Ekugqibeleni, ezo mfundiso zindifundise ukuba ndibe seluxolweni nokuzamkela. Yinto entle kakhulu ulwimi, ngoba lusinceda ukuba sinxibelelane. Kukho inkululeko nobomi obungaphaya ekukwazini ukuchaza izinto esithi sidibane nazo imihla ngemihla nangamaxesha onke. Okona emaninzi amagama, kokukona emaninzi amathuba okukhetha eyona nto ofuna ukuyithetha. Olunye ulwimi luyakwazi ukudibanisa amagama nemvakalelo. Kude kube ngathi ungathatha imvakalelo, uyaphule phakathi uze ufumane igama. Isizukulwana sanamhlanje singathanda ukuyibalekela into yokuba ulwimi lubalulekile. Kodwa noxa kunjalo, kukho ezinye izinto ekubhetele ukuzithetha ngolwimi lwenkobe. Umzekelo: "Sukundiqhela kakubi". Zezinye zezi ntetha ezisigcina siyinxalenye yendlela esikhuliswe ngayo. Ewe, ilusizi yona into yokuba kukho isizukulwana sabathetha ngeempumlo, belinganisa abaseMelika. Besilindele ntoni ke phofu xa abezindaba bebabaza abaculi neendlela zokuphila zaphesheya njengezo zilungileyo? Kancinci-kancinci, sibumba isizukulwana esiphila emaphupheni. Lifikile ixesha lokuba ulutsha lwethu luyazi into yokuba ezo moto nezo zindlu ziinkulu zakhona esizibona kwii-vidiyo zomculo waseMelika, ziyaqashwa. Kufuneka bazi nokuba, noxa abamnyama baseMelika bekhangeleka ngathi bayayazi imfihlo yobomi, baliqaqobana eliphila kwilizwe elinobuhlanga, kwaye iingxaki zabo zokuzazi ukuba ngoobani zogqitha ezethu ngaphaya kokuqonda. Kufuneka ukuba sisebenzele izinto ezingasenza ukuba sonwabe, hayi iimoto esingakwaziyo ukuzihlawula. Asizovidiyo zomculo nje kuphela ezingathi zisichaphazele. Enye yezinto endinoloyiko lwazo, yile yokuba abazali bam besisizukulwana socalulo nengcinezelo. Sesi sizukulwana kwakuthethwa naso ngobundlobongela, nangoxinzelelo. Ingcinezelo yatyhefa iingqondo zabazali bethu, kwaye zange kube kho nto yenziwayo ukulungisa oku. Ndibona uburhalarhume buthabatha indawo - umzekelo, abaculi abafuna ukuba imiboko yokucula ihlale ikubo ukwenzela ukuba kugqame bona - nto ithi ibangele ukuba kuhlale kukhutshiswana. Ingaba ke sisisizukulwana esilahlekileyo? Isikolo samabanga aphakamileyo naso yaba yindawo endandisokola ukuzifumana ukuba ndingubani. Ndasokola nge-make-up ndizama ukwenza ukuba ubuso bam bamkeleke, buqapheleke. Ngenxa yokuba thina sasingebaninzanga, sasivele sonke sidityaniswe ngengubo enye efanayo. Yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba isininzi senze esikwenzayo, singananzanga iqaqobana. Ndandizama ukuzifumana kwilizwe elalindixelela ukuba ndichasane nento endandiyiyo. Kwakukule ngubo yobunye apho safumanisa ukuba, ngenene siyafana. Ndandisele ndiqhelana nokuba ndingubani mna - ndandiyinxalenye yeengcungcu, imfundo yabucala kwanabantwana bezikhulu. Ndikhumbula ngenye imini ndikwibhasi yesikolo xa umntwana okwisigaba 2 ebuza umhlobo wakhe; "ingaba utata wakho ungumphathi waphi?" Ndathi kanye xa ndandiqalisa ukuzinza, utata wam wandithumela kwisikolo sokubhoda kwidolophana encinci yaseMpuma Koloni. KwakuseKomani ke apho. Ndim ke lowo, unqalintloko osuka eRhawutini, ndizicingela ukuba akukho nto ndingayaziyo, kodwa ndalahlelwa kwilizwe lenene. Ndandingasekho kwiklasi ezincinci ezilungiselelwe ukukhathalelwa komntwana ngamnye, apho ndandingomnye wamantombazana amane amnyama. Isiqingatha sabantwana abamnyama sasingu-20 xa sithelekiswa nesinye sabamhlophe eKomani. Ubokuqonda ukuba xa isikolo isesamantombazana qha okanye esamakhwenkwe, ukwesona sikolo. Ngesaquphe, ukuthetha kwam ngeempumlo endandichithe ixesha ndikufunda, kwakungazukundisebenzela kule ndawo intsha. Ndandifunda namantombazana angamaXhosa-Xho. Ukuba ngaba uyabazi abafazi bamaXhosa uyakwazi ukuba ndithetha ngantoni. Okuthethayo kukuba, ukugqwesa kwam ukuthetha isiNgesi zange kunanzwe.Ukusuka apho ndandisisigculelo sokuqhula, kuba kaloku, kuphi apho wakha wabona intombazana yomXhosa ithetha isiNgesi ngathi ngumlungu? Ndandidunywe ingqondo. Ngephanyazo, yacaca kum into yokuba ndandisele ndilibele UKUCINGA ngesiXhosa. Oontanga bam babedla ngokuthi xa befuna ukuhleka, bathi mandithethe isiXhosa. Ekuqaleni, ndandisenza nam le nto kuthiwa mandiyenze, kodwa ndathi ngokuya ndikhula, ndayiqonda into yokuba intle into yokukwazi ukuthetha iilwimi ezigqithileyo kwisinye. Ndatsho ndayiqonda nento yokuba, yenza ukuba kube lula ukuba abantu bafikelele kum. Ndazivumela ukuba ndityhilelwe ukuba ndingubani. Ndafunda ukuba siphila kwiimeko ezahlukileyo apha eMzantsi Afrika. Ulwimi okhetha ukuluthetha, nendlela owamkeleka ngayo ixhomekeka ekubeni uphi. Kwanyanzeleka ukuba ndifunde ubugcisa bokuba ndim … nokuba ndiphi ngawo onke amaxesha. Ndingenzi ngathi ndikhulele kwiitafile ezidekiweyo xa ndakhula ngepapa nomngqusho. Xa ndandisenza ibanga le-9 and nele-10, ndabuyela kwisikolo sabucala, eSt Andrew's. Noko ngeli ixa, ndandisele ndifundile ngobomi, kwaye ndisazi ukuba iphi eyam indawo. Njengambhali, ndaqaphela apho ndiphila khona. Ndabukela iingcungcu ezikhulayo. Ndabona nendlela imali echaphazela kakubi ngayo iintsapho namakhaya. Kulapho ndaqondayo ukuba umzabalazo usaqhubeka ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Imali iza nobutyebi esiphupha ngabo sisonke, into nje embi kukuba iveza indlela iintsapho zethu esezonakele ngayo. Sithi ke abo, isizukulwana sikanantsi. Silindele lukhulu kwisizukulwana sengcinezelo. Amabali eentsapho achukumisa iintliziyo ahleli ezingqondweni zethu. Amabali ophula iintliziyo abhalwe ebusweni bomntu ngamnye. Abanye bethu baqubha kwiimali zotata, abanye bethu bazimpula kalujaca abanamisebenzi, kodwa kukhangeleka ngathi indawo ekudityanwa kuyo ziZIYOBISI. Isizukulwana sethu sanamhlanje sifuna uncedo. Singamakhubalo eziyobisi. Akuthethiswana, kwaye asisazazi ukuba singoobani. Indlela esingaphila ngayo kwezintsuku, kukumamela eloo lizwana lincinci lingaphakathi kuthi, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha, umculo usuka ukhalele phezulu kakhulu. Ngamanye amaxesha ndiyalibala ukuba kuphefumlwa njani. Ndihlala ndisoyika ukuba ububi buya kungena. Ndinoloyiko olukhulu lokuba ukuba ngaba ndindim, ingaba ndiya konwaba na. Ngamanye amaxesha andifuni nto yakwenza nabazali bam, kuba kaloku zange bafezekise izinto endandilindele ukuba bazifezekise. Ngamanye amaxesha, ndiyayiqonda into yokuba bayinxalenye yam, ndibunjwe ngabo, bangumoya wam, kwanezinyanya zam. Ngoko ke iindlela esahluke ngazo ezingadibaniyo….zinika umdla. Kwiingcinga zam ezinzulu, ndingumntu wonke. Abanakwethu noodade wethu abanezazela, ifa leziyobisi, umeyisi, iqabane, ove ubuhlungu, ophoxekileyo, ohlekayo nothandwayo. Kusuka nje kube nzima xa ndingeyiyo enye yezi zinto. Ngoko ke ndiyinto yonke ngexesha elinye, ethi ngelinye ixesha isuke ibe yinto enye qha.. Into emnandi ebomini kukuba sineendlela ezahlukileyo esibona ngayo izinto. Noxa sithanda ukukhusela izilonda ezisezintliziyweni zethu, ubomi buzele ziintsikelelo namathuba okukhula sifikelele apho sinokuthi sifikelele khona. Ezi ntsikelelo, ziwa ngathi yimvula. Ndizixelela ezi zinto xa ndizama ukulwa isazela esinditshutshumbisayo. Ndimela abantu abangafuniyo ukuKHETHA ukuphila amaphupha abo. Abantu abakhetha ukuba diki-diki. Abantu abangafuni ukuthabatha amathuba - kodwa kunjalo ndibathabathela amathuba. Ndiva ngathi intliziyo yam itsalwa ngapha nangapha kwirobothi nganye xa ndibona umntu okhetha ukucela amalizo. Andikholelwa kwimali yamahala. Andifumani mali mahala. Ndiyisebenzela nzima imali yam. Kodwa kunjalo, ndiyafuna ukuba yinxalenye enikelayo. Ingaba yinto embi na ukufuna ukondla abantu abalambileyo ukuze BENZE INTO ABAYITHANDAYO? Andazi, mhlawumbi abaceli bayathanda ukucela. Into nje endingayithandiyo kukwenziwa ukuba ndibe nesazela ngokukhetha ubomi bobutyebi. Iminyaka yam yaseyunivesithi ndayichitha ndizama ukuzifumana ukuba ndingubani na. Ndandinomfutho namacebo obomi nendlela endandifuna bube ngayo ubomi. Amehlo am ayebona imo yaseMzantsi Afrika; iqaqobana labazizityebi kwanesininzi esilambayo. Kwesi sigaba ubomi bam babuphakathi kobutyebi nobuhlwempu, noxa ndandisuka kwikhaya elizimeleyo. Ndandisele ndimdala kakhulu ukuba ndingaphiwa imadlana yam, kwaye ndandimncinci kakhulu ukuba ndingenza umsebenzi obhadlileyo. Ekholejini ndandijongene nomngeni wokuba yinxalenye yobutyebi beli lizwe. Usapho lukatata lwam lwalume kakuhle xa luthelekiswa nolwakuloo mama. Kuba ndicinga ukuba ndenza into entle, zange ndifune ukusebenzisa loo nto. Ndandingafuni ukuba kuthiwe ndiphumelele ngenxa yokuba ndisazi abantu abathile. Eish, kodwa, okona ndisiya ndisiba mdala, kokona ndiqonda ukuba ngabantu obaziyo abathethayo. Ekugqibeleni, ndizifumana ndiseluxolweni ndizamkele ukuba ndingubani. Kwiminyaka elishumi egqithileyo, yayindim neendlela zaseNtshona. Namhlanje, lifikile ixesha lokuba ndifundise abaseNtshona ngeyam inkcubeko. Ndifundile ukuba le nkcubeko yam ebendineentloni ngayo - ibali lam, imbali yam, ukuba ndingubani … lixesha lokuba mandiyibhiyozele. Ukuba ngaba kumnandi kangakanana ukuqaqambisaisibane sam, ndinqwenelela wonke ubani okufanayo. Into emnandi ngesi sizwe sethu seentlanga ngeentlanga kukuba sidibana nelizwe ezitalatweni. Uyafunda ukwamkela iyantlukwano, loo nto ke ithethe ukuba ude ufunde nokwamkela izinto ongazithandiyo ngesiqu sakho. Isizukulwana sam sikwindlela engathanga ngqo kodwa siyazama ukwamkela… Ukwamkela ukudityaniswa ko"Nkosi sikelel' iAfrika" no"Die Stem" kuthetha ubunzulu bothando. Ukuvulelwa koomama amathuba. Ukwamkela iinguqu nokuhamba nazo.Ukwamkela ukulungiswa. Ukuzinika ithuba lokufunda nokuqonda ngamasiko ethu. Ngaphezulu, ukulungela ukwamkela ukutshintsha kwamaxesha neenjongo zezithethe ezilungileyo. Iizono zalo mhlaba zizibonisa ngendlela ngeendlela kwizizukulwana ezahlukeneyo. Siwa sivuka. Ngoko ke, asilahlekanga isizukulwana sam, lilizwe elilahlekileyo. Ndisuka e-Afrika, Apho wonke onakho, ENAKO. Kumahla-ndinyuka am emihla ngemihla Ndibona ama-Afrika … NCUMA. Iyabuya iAfrika ngomso …

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LitNet: 21 October 2004

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