I love her so much, it hurts!

Zonwabele Tshayana

I am so in love with My Lady, it actually hurts to know that whatever I do, she's in no position to give in to my so-called "demand". As the time progresses, and as I finally try to do what she wants, it is becoming so hard to let go. I want to let go, but deep down in my heart I still have hope that one day she might change her mind. That little flicker of light in the bowels of my heart is so overwhelming; I can't ignore or deny its existence. I tried to forget about her this holiday season but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. I even did some stupid things like not buying airtime or not going anywhere near a public phone, with the hope that I would just erase her from my mind.

It is so funny - after each and every effort to avoid talking to her, I'd be the one left with a sore heart. I'd regret not calling and I'd even be angry at being so stupid. If this is love, then I wouldn't want to fall in love ever again, especially with someone who doesn't want a relationship with me.

Please tell me if I'm obsessed with this woman. If anyone feels that what I'm doing is more on the abnormal side, please inform me so that I can seek professional help.

I have forced myself to try following this pure friendship route, and I don't know where it's taking me. If that route is paving a way for us never to be together, so be it. Only My Lady knows where she wants to go with that route, and I don't have any intentions of trying to put pressure on her to tell me where the route is going. Most definitely, the route is either going towards building a better foundation for a relationship or it's going towards eliminating any chances of our being together as a couple. Whatever the case may be, I think I'm just tired of fighting, but I'm not giving up, not until I am convinced that it can't be done or it can't work. If her happiness dwells in us being friends, so shall it be. I have been selfish for a long time and that has cost me dearly. I have lost friends just because I didn't want to compromise. I just can't bear the thought of losing yet another person, let alone a very special one, because of my stubbornness. She told me several times that if she sees that the situation is getting out of hand, then she would just run away. I don't want her to run away, and now I can sense that there is a bit of a rift between the two of us, and that is really hurting me.



LitNet: 25 January 2005

boontoe / to the top

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