Loving someone older than you

Zonwabele Tshayana

What is love? How do you know when you are in love? Who do you fall in love with? After how long do you fall in love with someone? How do you really ensure that you love that person? Is there something called "true love"? How often can you fall in love? For how long do you fall in love with that person? Is falling in love a process or a once-off thing? What about loving someone - does it continue to develop over time or does it just bounce out from nowhere to haunt you? Can you fall in love with a stranger? How long does it take to realise what you feel about someone?

These are the questions that I've been trying to answer, but to no avail. I'm 24 years old, but I'm still not sure whether I know what love is. Let alone knowing when, or how, or with whom, you fall in love. I don't know whether you're supposed to wait for a certain period before you know you're in love. Right now I'm in a dilemma. I'm in love with a lady who's five years my senior. From where I stand, the only thing that's making her not consider what I'm saying is the age gap.

One could ask how I know if I really love the woman. We met two years ago, but at that time I was still a playboy who didn't want a stable relationship. I told her how I felt back then, but nothing came of it. We didn't see each other for two years and we met once again last month. From the moment I set eyes on her, something told me that she was the one for me. We discussed it at length, but she keeps on saying that we can't have a relationship and she's doing all that for me. I tried showing her how I feel, despite the age gap. To me, the age gap is just nothing because I'm used to dating older women. From my very first relationship, the woman was about six years my senior. I have been schooling with older people, my friends are 10+ years older than me, and I just can't relate to people my age. I've been through a lot and that has made me mature earlier than is normal for my age.

This woman is trying by all means to stop the relationship from happening. On the other hand, I'm pulling out all stops to ensure that I get her to finally give in and grant me the opportunity to love her. What I've discovered is that she makes me happy, I enjoy being with her and she knows how to motivate me. She's wise and very brilliant. One thing that really attracts me to her is the fact that she doesn't just agree, she has to be fully convinced. She knows what she wants and how to get it. She's so collected and calm; I just can't let her pass me by. Before I met her, I had some flings, but the day I saw her, I just told myself to focus all my energies towards getting her. The lady is just what every man dreams of. She's warm-hearted, kind, friendly, approachable, lovely, good-humoured, pleasant to be with, beautiful, well-structured and well built, intelligent, has a backbone and has the capability of making one realise one's full potential.

Everyday I try doing what she asks of me. I try to forget about my feelings for her, but the moment I try that, it's the moment the same feelings overpower me and come out. It has gone to such an extent that I can't go to sleep without smsing or talking to her. The first thing I have to do when I wake up is to give her a call or send her an sms. She completes my days, and she really can make you see the world in a very different way. She's gifted and she easily melted my heart. I look at her at times, and the determination not to give up just grows stronger. I really love her and she knows that, though she denies it. I really love you my lady. Just let me make you happier than you are.

PS: Funny enough, after sending this to LitNet, I'll have to send it back to her because she doesn't have internet at her office, they only have intranet.



LitNet: 09 December 2004

Zonwabele would like to get some debate going! Join in by emailing your comments to Zonwabele Tshayana, or become a part of our interactive opinion page SêNet by emailing webvoet@litnet.co.za.

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