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history class 2050 syllabus

Toast Coetzer

In World War III, the USA attacked Iraq because their president wanted re-election, his college buddies wanted weapons budgets and because the citizenry wanted fun stuff that explode on TV, since the basketball season proved to be a bit of a drag. Imagine their surprise when 50 000 Americans died in the desert, and another 10 000 elsewhere in the world (mostly in LA), as pissed off militants strapped bombs to their bodies and blew up tea parties, summer camps and bars for fun. Sure, America killed 500 000 Iraqis, but who’s counting? The 4-week war lasted 4 years, and when it was all over, Israel was razed to the ground, Saddam Hussein built a statue for himself using US soldier helmets and George W. Bush was assassinated by a Harvard graduate using an anthrax-tipped fork at a White House dinner. To crown it all, 2 years later, Mexico figured, what the heck, and invaded California, New Mexico and Texas. No one really cared, since most people living there were already Mexican. They made a movie about it, it’s in the video library. It’s called “Don’t Cry For Me California”, starring Salma Hayek, a great character actress of the day. Now kids, what have we learnt today? That’s right: Don’t play God if you’re not prepared to enjoy nailing your sons to the cross!

boontoe

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